Harvest Moon Random!
by dancingwiththestar
Summary: Jack is now living in his father's farm. Things get random when Muffy,Celia,and Lumina try to steal his heart in a weird way. Jack tries to study Nami's action. Can Jack find his soul mate or will he go back to his old crazy life in the city?
1. Jack's New Random Life

This is my first story, I am new here so I don't know a lot about fanfiction so please enjoy my story.

Chapter 1: Jacks new random life

Hi, my name is Jack. I am 18 years old. I live in the city where nobody gives a crap about you. There is no peace in the city always gun fights, Robbery, Screaming like there's no tomorrow, and finally the tax collector always walking up to your door step threatening you to pay tax. Yup, that's my home and I'm used to it. The city life is bad enough if you don't carry your weapons with you at all time. Do I get tired of living in the city well maybe once in awhile? It's not that bad like I said, I'm used to it. I'm also a business man. I fire a lot of lazy ass people and junkies except for the professional ones now those you have to keep in order to run a good business… Ya everyone hates me so what it's not my problem! Okay enough about me I guess you're here because you want to hear my random story...Well let me warn you to not make fun of me I will **HUNT YOU DOWN!** (Clears throat) Okay here is my story.

I came back from work all exhausted. A lot of yelling just hurts my ears you know.

"Sigh.." I sighed. "All I do is get yelled at by my bitchy boss who's on the phone all day, My co-workers call me a virgin everyday when I chill by the cooler, I get weird prank calls in my office like I'm looking for Mr. Bendover or I.P. freely who ever the hell that is!"

I grabbed a can of root beer drank it all up. I changed my clothes and relaxed on my bed. I thought about how my life would be without being part of the drama. "Grrr!" I growled.

"I'll never get what a man wants! I'm single, I'm a freaking virgin, I have no friends, My boss is a phone junkie, My co-workers are a bunch of fags! I'M A COMPLETE NOBODY!"

I was so stressed out… My head started to pounder like a bunch of bricks just hit my veins. Ouch… Well my job sucks, I can't quit because if I do the tax collector will probably shoot me… oh well. I yawned and fell asleep.

(Next day) "Yawn" I yawned and stretched my muscles.

It was a beautiful morning I ran down stairs and made myself a quick breakfast. I'm always in a rush for things I don't know why? I exit out my house making sure nobody sees me. If you're wondering why I'm making sure nobody sees me well you'll see that I am not carrying any weapons.

I checked my mail box to see any bills that I had. I hate bills actually nobody does! While I was checking through my mails a noticed a yellow letter, I never get colorful letters but I wonder who it is? What no address? What kind of people doesn't put there damn address on there. They probably don't remember their own address either that or they're just homeless. Maybe it's another hate mail from somebody I fired? The last one I had it got pretty boring to read so all I had to do is throw that shit away. I opened the yellow letter and read what it said. "…"

**Dear Jack, This is your father's friend Takakura. It's been awhile since I last saw you. You were a curious young boy last time I remember. You would always ask me were eggs come from, How does the cow moo, Why am I boring, Why do I have a tattoo of an Anker, Have I ever been a pirate and many more if I can remember well anyways I'm sorry about your father. He was a great man with pride and he was a great farmer. The reason why I wrote this letter is because I want you to see your fathers' farm take a good look at it. Don't worry I'll pay for you to stay at the Inn. You do remember where your father lived right? It's Forget-Me-Not-Valley. Come visit when you get a chance. Sincerely, Takakura.**

"Well, looks like I'm visiting my father's farm."

My father… he was the only guy I would ever look up to. He would always listen to my problems; he would be honest about how the people feel about me. My dad was the best dad I'd ever had but the sad thing is when he had a farm I didn't get to see him much. My mother wanted me to survive in the city until I die. Dad never wanted me to live in the city. I had no choice; it was either live a lazy easy life or a survival hard core life.

Now my mom was a little odd to me. She would always tell me to find a girlfriend before I turn 30. I mean what is so bad about being 30 you just turn into an adult!

I ran back inside I walked around the living room with my hands on my head.

"Okay I need to calm down!"

(Bang, Bang, Bang.) Someone knocked.

"What is Takakura already here well that was fast? Oh I have to hurry packing before I let him in!"

While somebody maybe Takakura was knocking on my door very hard I rushed packing my clothes, snacks, toothbrush, and camera. Finally, I came down stairs and opened my poor door that was being banged on. My eyes grew wide when I finally realized who it was. The tax collector…

"Um…hi this is a bad timing…?" I said then gulped.

"You pay me now!"

"Look I don't have the money so please come back later."

"You pay me bitch!"

"I'M LEAVING IM NOT COMING BACK SO I CAN'T PAY YOU!"

"Pay or die!"

Man this damn tax collector won't give up!

Okay i'm sorry if i messed up this story. iv'e fixed it and if there's anymore problem please let me know i'll try to update it when i have internet. Fellow readers please review! **TOO BE CONTINUED.**


	2. Epic Get Away Battle

**Hello Everybody! I finally have internet! I've been thinking about my story ideas for days now so sorry if it took me awhile to update. Enjoy**

Chapter 2: Epic Random Get Away Battle

Tax Collector: "Pay…Pay!"

Well this day isn't going as I thought it would be; I mean how am I gonna get pass this guy? Sheesh, looks like I'm gonna be late to Forget-Me-Not Valley.

Jack: "Look I can't pay you! I'm leaving to another town!"

Tax Collector: "Pay or Die!"

Jack: "this is bull I'm outta here!"

Before you know it he pulls out a gun. I never knew he carried a gun with him? I think I know why he's rich… Wait! I think I have my gun somewhere oh never mind I didn't bring it with me.. F***!

Tax Collector: "Pay…." He evilly smiled and said it in a creepy way.

(I'm so dead! This is how I'm gonna die! Why does it have to be me? I GONNA DIE A VIRGIN!) Goosebumps were making me shiver with fear. (Grr come on Jack man up!)

A weird feeling struck me. It was like somebody possessed me with super power. I kicked the gun out of his hand he gave me a dumfound look. As soon as you know it, we got in our fighting style

**Round 1 FIGHT!**

I was in a yellow costume and he was in his gay blue costume as well. I thought to myself (Ha! This is going to be easy!)

I pulled out my hook shot and pulled him over to me

Jack: "Get Over Here!"

I swung my sword around and stabbed him couple times, Threw ninja shuriken at him, I removed my mask showing only but my hot fiery skull I blew fire towards him to burn him, I gave that sucker a fire punch in the face.

**Jack Wins **

Oh yea I'm the master bitch! It looked like he pissed for a sec cause he gave me an evil icy eye. Afterwards, he got back up and we got back in our fighting style.

**Round 2 FIGHT!**

"AAAHH!" screamed the Tax Collector as he rushed to me. Told ya he was pissed. He froze my feet I couldn't even move all I could

move were my arms but that wasn't enough to defeat him. He started an Ice shower which was like hail. It damaged me a lot plus

an ice hit my head causing more damage. I was free from my trap but didn't know where to start. After that he kicked my only spot

that should be never kicked..

Jack: "AAAHHH! WHAT THE F*** DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" I screamed in pain it felt like my manhood was bleeding.

Next thing you know he freezed me jumped up high and kicked the crap out of me. After the ice broke me free I fell unconscious.

**Tax Collector Wins**

I got back up looking exhausted. Man he took me down like a cowboy wrestling a bull. Jeez what a maniac!

**Round 3 FIGHT**

This time I'm not backing down! I will kick his ass in order to see my father's farm! I ran to him like an angry pig that didn't get his

dinner on time and blew fire at him again. I punched his chin right up in the air he fell back down nearly broke his back. This time I

was doing some critical damage. I grabbed my hook shot and told him to Come Here! My fiery kicks were no match then his icy

kicks that almost made my manhood fall off. After his painful moan I stabbed him with my Kanata leaving him gush blood

everywhere. He tried fighting back but kept missing me.

**Finish Him!**

He was almost about to faint after all that fight we had. I would have let him die slowly but didn't have the time to do so.

Everything was quiet except for his painful moaning. My arms were crossed like an X symbol and summoned a fire hand from hell.

The hand grabbed the Tax Collector dragging him to hell. Leaving me victory!

**Jack Wins**

** Fatality**

** Back To Reality!**

The Tax Collector gave me a dull look asking me "You pay me now?"

Woke up in a shock expressing didn't know what has happen. He didn't point a gun at me anymore like he was earlier.

Jack: "How long was I standing here?"

Tax Collector: "15 minutes."

Jack: "oh shit I better get going before I'm late!"

Tax Collector: "Not…so…fast."

Jack: "Please man, have a heart my father is very ill he's struggling with a rare sickness and he need me to be with him before he dies!

With that whiny attitude I almost cried by the thought of my father…

Tax Collector:" Hmm I see, my father oh so not well."

Jack: "Please! This is serious I'll pay you back once I'm done with my visit!"

Tax Collector: "Hmm you fine…"

Jack: "Thank you man Thank you!" I shook his hand very firmly enough for him to buy it. I can't believe I lied to him about my father but it was the only way.

I grabbed my packing bag took off walking. Out of nowhere he yells, "BE WARNED! IF YOU LIE A GREAT BAD LUCK WILL COME UPON YOU!"

I chuckled to myself; there's no way luck or karma are gonna give me a hard time because I don't even believe in luck or karma.

For that I took off to the next big green hill.

**To be continued. Wasn't that a great epic battle or what? XD **

**I would like to thank ****Cloud And Sephiroth Reborn****for giving me a kool idea! Thank you so much! I was playing mortal kombat**

** and thought it would be funnier if Jack played Scorpion and the Tax Collector played Sub-Zero. I was gonna make Jack play **

**Jax but I thought it would be even more funnier if he played Scorpion. Thank you for reading and Review so I can update **

**faster if not I'll make Jack have an epic battle with you lol.**


	3. Forget me not valley is Random

As I finally walked down the hill panting like crazy I finally stopped where I was.

I was in Forget-Me-Not-Valley...FINALLY!

After being attacked by my tax collector I thought I was gonner but yeah I made it to this...town?

(What is with this place?) I thought to myself.

This place has no Police Station!

Any criminal can rob the hell out of these people.

It's like these people are hold up a big sign saying "Hey, come rob my house for free!"

And there is no grocery store either like do they expect me to just provide my own food?

I gotta admit this is one of the poorest town my father has ever lived in.

How did he survive?

Where am I supposed to go now?

I took the letter out of my pocket to see what Takakura said.

It didn't say anything where I was supposed to meet him but I knew he loves to chill by the beach.

I picked up my packing bag and headed to the beach.

As I got there Takakura was just standing there staring at the ocean.

I yelled at Takakura

"Hey, I'm here now so eh what's up?!"

Takakura turned his head and said "Come here."

"Okay?" I said

I walked an inch closer to him and wondered what he wanted.

Takakura then smiled and said, "Well Jack does this look familiar to you? You kinda grew up here before your mother took you away with her into the city."

"Don't mention my mother." I said with a stern look, "I'm just glad I got out of the city away from madness."

Takakura laughed at me as if I was being dramatic. "Well I got to say, you don't look like you can handle the city looks like you'll be staying here for months right?"

I looked at him as if he was out of his mind.

"Are you crazy?!" I yelled, "I don't even know where to live and this place looks like a sunny ghost town! Where am I supposed to eat at? Where is the police station when you need one?!

Takakura calmed me down then sighed he then began to put a little smirk on his face

"This is a peaceful town everybody is friendly. Come, I'll introduce to everybody in town."

Here we go ready to introduce the town people who might be high.

We stopped outside this Japanese, Chinese, Korean or whatever it is Inn...

The three happy owners of the Inn came right outside the Inn well I'm guessing the fat sumo guy is the owner and the Chinese chick is his wife.

Takakura introduced me to the three people that owned the Inn.

"Jack, this is Tim." Tim bowed as a greeting

"This is his wife Ruby."

Ruby bowed and said "Nice to meet you"

Takakura continued, " And this is there son Rock."

(WHAT?!) Screaming in my mind as I looked at Rock with a weird I'm trying to eat a sour patch kid candy face.

There is no way Rock is related to those Chinese peeps!

If his mom had an affair then I would feel very bad.

My look turned into serious mode.

"Oh up on the corner left there is a girl who lives with them. Her name is Nami."

"I'm guessing she's related to them?" I said with a confused look.

Then everybody laughed at me as if I was the new comedian in town.

"She is not our daughter, she is just staying with us." Ruby said.

Weird, I couldn't help but feel like somebody on the top left hand corner was watching me from below.

Me and Takakura went outside the bar like YES this town might not be so bad after all hopefully they don't ask for my ID.

The two peeps came out of a bar a man and a woman who looked like married couples except they weren't married

The blonde one was hot as can be. Looked pretty on a magazine if she was a model but still hot.

"Jack." Takakura said, "This is Griffin, he owns the blue bar and can only give three drinks to people even if they can or can't handle drinking. And this young lady is Muffy."

Oh yeah give out three drinks to people and not earn extra cash...Muffy sounds like an...Okay name for a girl?

Muffy crept close to my face almost to where our lips meet.

"Hi handsome." She stated with a flirt.

"Errhh hi?" I said shyly.

Griffin pulled her away from me and shook my hand firmly then greeted me.

I can tell Muffy is already in love with me...great new fangirl.

Takakura walked to that stoned hill that lead to the mansion.

I rushed after him because he left me with that fangirl creep

"Bye Bye my prince charming!" Muffy yelled as I ran to keep up with Takakura.

Here we are at the fancy rich mansion a place where I should chillax.

Out came the rich old lady, their butler, and I think their spoiled granddaughter.

Once again Takakura introduced me to these lovely spoiled peeps...

"Jack, this is Romana, Sebastian, and Lumina."

I greeted them but Lumina stared at me with those sparkling eyes as if she saw Channing Tatum.

This was not a good look for me no sir or ma'am!

Now two fan girls!

Me and Takakura walked down the stony hill and what do you know a hippie comes out of nowhere playing his guitar in the woods area kinda..

"That is Gustafa, he loves to play his guitar where the area is peaceful and quiet."

(Is he also the guy who sells drugs to these happy care free folks?) I thought to myself.

I've never seen a hippie before not in the city. If you were a hippie and you lived in the city guess what D.E.A.D.

It doesn't make sense for a hippie to live in the city anyways but I do have to be honest though most hippies are into drugs.

Not hardcore drugs like the kind of drugs that makes you happy; you name it.

Me and takakura walked down to this huge farm it was like a huge vegetable farm.

Now that made me jealous don't know why.

"Jack, this is Vesta, Marlin, and Celia." Takakura said.

Oh I see, a Russian girl who owns this huge farm, a gumpy ass old man who possibly hates me, and an inoccent girl who blushes everytime she sees me.

I'm sorry but Vesta sounds Russian to me.

Takakura once again abandon me and I rushed to him with full speed.

Why the hell is her leaving me with fangirls?!

We were at this dig site where this one man and girl who owns this place.

I suspect that they live together accouding to that single tent of theirs.

Hopefully they don't make noise in the middle of the night...

"Jack, this is Carter and his partner Flora."

They both greeted me with a smile on their faces.

Flora didn't look like she had any interest in me which was good.

And that dig site...What are they searching for?

Carter said to me with a smile, " Hey kid, if you ever have time you can come here and help out but only come before sunset."

"Righttt.." I said, acting like I was interested in working for him.

So after that Takakura abandon me AGAIN! I swear I will write a strong letter and place it on his face so that he would know who he's dealing with!

After meeting the citizens who were possibly high on drugs Takakura showed me where my father's farm was.

This place looked dead.

The soil where you plant your seeds looked poor, not a single seed would grow there.

Oh and what do you know the house is made out of wood where termite can eat your home without any problem.

"WHAT?!" I yelled with a confused look on my face.

"You have got to be kidding me there is no way I am staying here!"

Tarakura looked at me with sorrow.

"Sorry if it looks bad I'll try to make move it somewhere where you can be close to the citizens.."

"It's not about that I like how this is away from people I just want this house to be termite safe!" I yelled once more.

"Oh don't worry I'll get rid of them when you sleep." He said. "You'll just have to stay in the Inn for awhile till I tighten things up.

I looked at him as if he doesn't know what he's talking about. "Really? With that Chinese chick who might have secretly had an affair and that party faggot? What if that chick rapes me in the middle of the night and has a half stressed out me who is Chinese?!"

"Jack, you're being dramatic about this it's just for the week.."

Yeah I'm dramatic so what and for a week, why can you let me stay in a bar for a week?

At least they have something that will relax me.

No I am not alchohalic I'm just thirsty.

I let out a big sigh *sigh*

Well hopefully the Inn won"t be so bad I mean who knows..?

"Alright Takakura you win, I'll stay there for a week..."

Takakura finally smiled at me. "Good, I'll even take good care of your cow you can name her later."

"A COW?! SINCE WHEN DID I OWN A COW?!"

Is this some kind of trick where they charge extra for rent?!

Who said I was renting this damn place anyways?!

"Look Tarakura, I didn't saw I was gonna live her yet."

Tarakura placed a hand on my shoulder and said, "Don't worry the rent is free."

After what he said I started doing a little gay dance.

I mean who wouldn't live in a house that was rent free if it was a shitty house then oh well at least I have somewhere to sleep

If it was a mansion that was rent free then I must be one lucky virgin.

Tarakura watched my gay happy dance and was not pleased. "You still have to stay at the Inn for awhile till I fix everything up.."

That made my happy dance stop after what he said. I can't believe he burst my happy bubble.

I picked up my packing bag and headed toward the Inn.

Alright, guess it's time for me to stay in the Inn for awhile..


End file.
